Emotions are addicting. Once you get on a negative emotional path, it can be hard to break away and find ways to cheer yourself up. In fact, you might even feel a bit resistant towards it, despite having a general desire to feel better.
Stop that train, I wanna get off!
Think of it like a train. If a train is moving in one direction, you can’t snap your fingers and instantly be moving in the opposite direction. Your first step is to just decelerate and then stop the train. This is why someone saying, “Cheer up!” often does the opposite, making you more annoyed and more depressed. It just points out how far you are from your goal.
Once you’re stopped, you can try moving in the opposite direction, but don’t worry about that just yet. It’s about baby steps. It’s about getting that negative train stopped and going in the direction of self-love.
Here are some simple ways to get yourself off the negative highway so you can regroup and venture out again. With persistence and self-love, maybe a bit of luck, you can reverse that momentum.
1. Rampage of Appreciation.
This is not my idea. It’s from Abraham Hicks, and it’s probably the simplest tool to help you start feeling better instantly.
Ready?
You’re going to find one thing to appreciate, and use that as a springboard to appreciate more things. There is nothing too small or mundane to appreciate. In fact, the mundane is probably the best place to start. Once you force yourself to appreciate one or two things, your mind will naturally find more and more and more, and it won’t be a chore anymore.
My rampage.
I’m going to give it a try because I had a crap morning (for no particular reason). Right now, I’m sitting in my study, so here goes:
We have a lot of books on that shelf. It’s really nice we have so many books here in our study to read and appreciate. There’s so much knowledge there.
There’s the afghan my grandmother knitted; how nice that this woman I’m connected to and never met can still touch me through this object.
I love this desk, and I really did a great job finishing it.
It’s a gloomy day, but sometimes it’s nice to cozy up inside on a gloomy day.
Everything is good; I have to remember that. Everything around me we didn’t have three years ago. How much can change in three years.
Ooo, this rug. I love it so much. It’s so soft and snuggly, and it matches our nice one in the living room. This whole room has a really nice inviting feel, which is what I set out to accomplish, and that feels really good.
See how it works? Remember, you don’t need to appreciate more than a few things with effort. I promise you, once you open up to appreciate one thing, your mind will find something else to appreciate.
Don’t try to go big, either. Start small and comfortable. Our minds need to be coaxed to change emotional mindsets, so take baby steps and you’ll get there fast enough.
2. Distract yourself.
We often think of distractions as bad things, but you can harness the power of distraction for good.
My favorite distraction is watching trashy TV. Why? Well, like the Rampage of Appreciation, distracting yourself just stops you on the path you’re on. If you’re on a path that’s spiraling downward quickly, it can be a good thing to find something that stops you in your tracks, even if it’s a bit gauche or undignified.
Maybe your distraction is playing a digital game, watching soap operas or reading tabloids. It might even be something more productive than that, like working out or cleaning or reading a good mystery novel. Anything that sucks you in easily and demands your attention is a great distraction. After a few moments away, having broken the momentum of despair, you’ll feel relieved and able to work towards a more productive path.
3. Work out.
You didn’t think I’d have a list of ways to cheer yourself up and not include working out, did you? 😉
Seriously, though, if you have the energy and even a slight desire to do a workout, do it. It will occupy your mind and body for a little while, distracting you from whatever is bothering you, and it has a natural mood-boosting effect. Do whatever makes you happy and makes you sweat: working out, pilates, running, playing soccer, dancing in your living room. Whatever works.
I call this a “control-alt-delete.” (For those of you who don’t know, pressing the “ctrl,” “alt” and “del” buttons on a PC computer at the same time allows you to force close a frozen program and start fresh.) The process of getting on a good sweat will cleanse your body and your mind.
Throw a good fitness affirmation in there, too, and you’ll feel rejuvenated for the day.
4. Meditate.
Yeah, this one is obvious, but it’s obvious for a reason: It works.
If you’re feeling extra anxious, you could follow a guided meditation so your mind doesn’t go crazy. However, you might find the opposite happening. Sometimes when I give myself permission to just sit and be, I open up easily.
I have a post on great ways to meditate when you feel like you can’t make it work, including a 60-second meditation that’s great for resetting your mind.
5. Seek cuteness.
Everyone goes gooey for something. Babies? Otters? Puppies? All of the above? If you have a cuddly fur (or actual) baby, you could connect with them. If you don’t, do a search on YouTube or Google Images for your favorite cute thing. Chances are, you’ll end up down a mini-rabbit hole of cuteness, and how can that ever be a bad thing?
6. Gratitude journal.
One of the biggest impediments to being happy is paying too much attention to what we don’t have. It’s human nature, or at least just the nature of our current society. However, if you can learn to want what you already have, happiness is yours.
Take out a piece of paper and pen, or your notes on your phone, and write down three things you’re grateful for, with space underneath.
Now, underneath each of those, write down three reasons why you’re grateful for it.
For instance, you might write that you’re grateful for your husband or wife or partner. Underneath that, you could write things like:
- I love having someone to wake up next to
- He/she always makes me laugh no matter what
- He/she is an excellent cook
Forcing yourself to realize why these aspects are so great will open you up to reliving all that’s great about them. Don’t worry about these aspects being the most important or not. Just write down the first reasons that come to mind. You might even end up writing more, which means that you’re on a path of good-feeling momentum.
7. Go for a walk.
Get out of wherever you are and just walk. I suggest leaving any audio devices behind, but music could be helpful if you need to be transported or you live in a busy, crowded place. Ideally, instrumental is best. Stay away from podcasts and definitely stay away from the news. Just walk and be.
If you can go somewhere that’s naturally beautiful, even better. I always think of nature as an emotional sponge. It seems to soak up the extraneous worries I have, perhaps because it’s always a reminder that life goes on, no matter if I paid the phone bill or did my workout (or not).
I’ve had some of my best epiphanies while on walks. Open yourself up to your wiser, higher self (or God, if you believe) and see what happens. Get out for at least 20 minutes so that you have enough time away from your situation to come back refreshed.
8. Connect with others.
Have a chat with someone who loves you and has your best interests at heart. You don’t even necessarily need to talk about how you’re feeling. Just reach out. Connecting to others when we’re down is sometimes the last thing we want to do, but can remedy you the most. Connection, community, and purpose are intrinsic to our happiness as humans. Use it. People will be happy to help.
If you don’t have anyone to call, reach out on social media. I see people do this all the time, and thousands of strangers are always more than happy to lend a good thought or piece of advice. It can be as simple as, “I’m having a sh*t day. Please send me pictures of your babies and fur babies!” People will be more than happy to share.
9. Treat yo’self.
Having something to look forward to can make everything turn around in an instant. If you’re feeling crappy, take yourself out to dinner or dessert to cheer yourself up. Buy yourself a new novel. Book a massage. Give yourself something positive to enjoy or look forward to.
This works especially well if you have an event that makes you nervous. Plan something you look forward to later in the day so that your meeting, audition or presentation is just an event on the way to something else. That way, it’s not the BIG EVENT of the day. It downplays that event’s control over your life, while also lessening the chance that you’ll torment yourself with circular or destructive thoughts after the anxiety-causing event is over.
So, if you have an important presentation that you’re worried about, plan dinner out with friends, or even just getting Thai take-out while watching a movie you’ve wanted to see.
Remember to take baby steps, and take them in self-love.
Remember, it’s a process. If you’re feeling really down, someone telling you to “cheer up,” or even acting in a cheery way, will be annoying AF.
That’s because the disparity between where you are and where that person wants you to go is HUGE. Too big, usually, for a person to make the leap. You have to work your way up, step by step, otherwise you’ll just fall in deeper.
Some of those steps aren’t the most dignified.
It’s important to remember that sometimes a step upwards is NOT a step right into being happy or cheery. A right step for you might be one upwards into self-righteousness and judgment, so turn on some Real Housewives and judge the hell out of them. Maybe getting vengeance feels good to you, so you plot a plan to earn a new promotion, or maybe just watch some Revenge on Netflix. If you’re depressed about homelessness, try reaching up to anger by listening to some metal or punk music. From there, you can springboard into positive action and change, as many great civil movements have done.
The key is to not feed the thoughts taking you downward. If you have to decelerate on a detour through some undignified feelings, so be it. Just don’t, of course, abuse others, and don’t stay too long.
Seek help if it’s serious.
If you think you might have more than a passing feeling of despair and may have clinical depression or other issues, please reach out and get some help. See a professional, or at least talk to a trusted friend about it.
It’s okay to be sad sometimes.
Remember: It’s okay to be sad, angry, depressed or frustrated some days. It’s natural and there isn’t always a reason.
Even if you never cheer yourself up completely, do your best to halt negative thinking in its tracks so you don’t develop bad beliefs about yourself. Don’t feed that beast.
Tomorrow’s another day to start fresh.