Ever thought about quitting alcohol?
If you’ve ever toyed with the idea of stopping drinking, then you’ve probably also had feelings anywhere from apprehension to terror when you think about life after quitting alcohol.
You might have questions like: What will I do at social gatherings? What will I look forward to? How will I spend my Saturday nights? How will I spend my Tuesday nights? Will my relationship suffer? How will I cope with life’s failures if I can’t drown myself in drink? How do I explain this to people?
Endless self-torture.
I know that I toyed with quitting endlessly. Let’s say out of my 16-year (legal) drinking career, ten of those were spent actively trying to quit or cut down, and the other six were spent thinking maybe I should. But thinking of how to live life after quitting alcohol is what gave me the most anxiety. My pattern usually went something like this:
- (Open on a day with a terrible hangover.) “That’s it. Never again. I’m quitting forever.”
- “Nope! Not drinking tonight! Hahaha! Look at me!”
- (Next day.) “Wow, I feel fantastic!”
- “Not drinking tonight! I feel soooo good!”
- “Wow…I feel so good…I want to…celebrate!”
- “I mean, I did really well.”
- “There’s that event on Saturday, and I’m going to be drinking then. It’s not like I’m going to quit now. I mean, it just makes sense to buy a bottle of wine tonight, right?”
- “Saturday will be so much fun, and I can regroup after!”
- Wake up Sunday.
- Repeat.
I knew it was terrible for me. I felt terrible 90% of the time. It made everything harder. But because I was locked into thinking that alcohol is how you celebrate life, I couldn’t separate one from the other. The thought of a life without alcohol was beyond depressing.
I literally thought it meant I couldn’t have fun anymore. Like, ever. And I was afraid.
No, your life isn’t over after you quit alcohol. It’s just beginning, and it’s about to be your best life yet.
A lot of those sites you find on the internet will paint a picture of hardship and determination after you quit drinking. No one wants that. No one wants a life full of misery and obligation and pushing against something you want.
Again, I can’t speak for everyone, and I don’t want to. However, I believe a lot more people could enjoy the quitting process if they weren’t set up to dread it so much. Part of this is the fault of the establishment, and you might find solace in knowing that the issue isn’t with you—it’s with the drug and how we view it.
I’m structuring this list from my perspective, because while finding evidence and support out there is sometimes helpful, I think it also is what got us into the trouble in the first place. You don’t need statistics of what works for everyone; you need inspiration. I can give that to you.
Here are all the ways my life is better after quitting alcohol 17 months ago:
1. I am much, much happier.
The general stasis for happiness in my life now is far higher than it was back when I was drinking. I even did a little study of myself over a couple months back when I was drinking, noting how much I had drank the night before, if at all, and what my mood and physical feelings were. What I found is that I always felt better, emotionally and physically, when I had abstained the night before. There were a few times when I felt great and had drank, but they were the exception. I never felt terrible when I abstained.
2. I have much less anxiety.
Alcohol seems like it helps anxiety, but all it does it give you the sickness and then give you the antidote. Lack of alcohol makes you anxious, and having that first drink cures the anxiety…for a little while. But more than that, alcohol has a way of adding a hue of anxiety and stress to every area of your life. It’s so subtle, you would never trace it back to alcohol, but once the alcohol is gone, you notice that things that used to make you very stressed don’t any more. You can handle so much more when you don’t have alcohol in your system.
3. My menstrual cycle is more regular.
If this is TMI, I apologize. But my periods are more regular and less painful.
4. I never have hangovers.
Every single day I remind myself of this, because almost every single day when I drank, I woke up with a head-splitting, stomach-turning hangover. It got to where I was so used to it that it seemed normal. It’s not. It sucks to be sick every single day. Some days were so terrible I had to stay home from work.
5. I don’t have to worry about what I said or did the night before.
We’ve all done things or said things we regret when drinking. It’s the worst feeling. Sometimes it’s a friend or acquaintance or stranger, but the worst is when it’s someone we really care about, like a spouse or family member. The shame on the morning after these incidents is unbearable. I am never not in control and I am never doing or saying hurtful or embarrassing things anymore.
6. I’m not scared about visiting friends and family.
I used to actually shy away from visiting people, or having people visit us, because it meant that I had to hide how much I drank. It’s easier when I was home, but if I were somewhere else, I’d have to either bite the bullet and not drink, or not drink as much, or find a way to sneakily buy a bucketload of alcohol and drink it just as secretly. Then dispose of the bottle(s) even more secretly.
7. I have nothing to hide.
The shame after drinking activities is specific, but alcohol gave me a general wash of shame that encompassed my whole being. I don’t have that anymore. I feel like I can be free to be myself and invite people in.
8. I have time and energy to spend looking forward and setting goals.
Having an alcohol dependence meant that I was always in damage control; the day was mostly about getting through it unscathed, until, of course, I could drink again once it was over. I had no mental or emotional energy for looking forward in my life, setting goals and visualizing what I wanted, let alone taking action. Now, I do that every single day. I recently found a list I made just a few months before I quit drinking of 22 goals covering all aspects of my life. One of them was, of course, quitting drinking. Since I made that list, I have accomplished or am in the midst of accomplishing 21 of those 22 goals. I never could have done that if I were still drinking.
9. I have more energy.
I have lots of energy from the moment I wake up until I snuggle into bed (which is heavenly; see #22). I have energy to work out, energy to hang out with friends, and energy to get stuff done.
10. I sleep so much better.
Alcohol helps you pass out, yes, but it wreaks havoc on your sleep patterns, making you get less quality sleep. Now that I’m alcohol-free, I fall asleep fairly quickly, even if I don’t feel sleepy, and I wake up refreshed.
11. I don’t need that much sleep.
As I write this, on a Friday, I’m in the midst of a crazy schedule where I’m working 12+ hour days. While I’m a little tired today, I’ve been able to keep going on only six hours of sleep a night. This isn’t ideal, but generally I only need about seven or seven and a half hours a night. When I catch up on sleep tonight, I won’t need nine or ten hours; eight will set me back to normal. And there’s none of that early morning snoozing action.
12. Waking up early is never a problem.
This one is wonderful. I have an activity at 8am on a Saturday? BRING IT. I need to work out before work? NO PROBLEM. I have a 6am flight and need to wake up at (gulp) 3am? Well, that one still sucks. But I am neither hung over nor drunk when I do wake up at 3am.
13. I feel confident in how I look.
I used to always feel puffy and ugly and wanted to hide behind my hair. Now, I feel confident, beautiful and sexy. Most of the time, anyway.
14. I don’t smell.
Yes, you smell if you drink a lot. I was appalled and ashamed when I was at work one day on a Saturday and mentioned how I was hung over. My colleague said, “yeah, you have a boozy smell.” It shames me to this day. But now, at least, I don’t smell. Unless I just worked out. 🙂
15. My organs aren’t screaming at me.
Towards the end I had a palpably full feeling where my liver was. It got so bad that I tried some liver flushes to help it go away. I should have seen a doctor, but this is America, and I had no health insurance. Also, I was scared. I’m happy to report that my organs “feel” normal now, which really just means that I’m not aware of their existence.
16. I have normal sweating patterns.
I sweat when I’m supposed to, which is great. But not when I’m not supposed to, like midday in an air-conditioned office building, or under hot lights in front of cameras.
17. My complexion is [chef’s kiss].
My skin is even-toned, with less blemishes and a lot less puffiness.
18. I don’t have crazy hunger cravings.
I get hungry like a normal person and eat normal amounts. This wasn’t the case when I was drinking. Sometimes, usually because I would skip dinner to save calories for drinking and because I was dehydrated, I would get massive blood sugar spikes in the middle of the day that nothing would satisfy. I ate a lot of soup, which I think helped because it was liquid and it was salty.
19. I have much more money.
This is a huge one. Drinking is expensive. If you live in New York City, you’re lucky if you find drinks for $12, let alone less. Sometimes a cocktail can cost you $25. I mostly drank at home, but I found that spending less money meant I just adjusted my intake to drink more. Somehow, if it was expensive, I psychologically tricked myself into getting drunk faster. I tracked all my finances; I know how much I spent every year on alcohol. Now? $0. I’m saving literally thousands of dollars per year. Thousands.
20. Social interactions are much better, more authentic, and just as raucous at a good party.
Parties are fun if you’re around good people. Alcohol does not make parties fun. Yes, you may have fun at parties where you’re drinking, but the fun is from the situation, in spite of the alcohol, not because of it. I have so much more fun at parties now that I don’t drink, with one exception—if everyone else is drinking, I get out of there before people get stupid. Drunk people are only fun to other drunk people. There have been many times where I’ve had such a good time, with the same abandon and energy as I would have at parties where I drank. And I get to do it all from a place of clarity and authenticity.
21. I don’t waste time thinking about how much to drink, when, or how much.
Especially when I was trying to quit and just couldn’t, drinking only took up a few hours of my day, but it lived in my head full-time. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to not plan out drinking, worry about last night’s drinking, or negotiate with myself on when to drink or not, or how much.
22. I don’t worry about endangering my life on a daily basis.
I have done things I’m not proud of, like getting behind the wheel while drunk. I’ve also injured myself. On top of that is the persistent anxiety that I was giving myself cirrhosis or heart disease.
23. I’m hydrated.
No more cottonmouth. No more gulping bottles of water in the middle of the night or all day. And less wrinkles!
24. I can eat more delicious food, and have room for some naughty food as well.
I would actually often skip dinner to save room for the calories of drinking. And even then, food served a purpose of soaking up alcohol, either to recover the next day, or to make sure I didn’t get drunk too fast. Without alcohol, I can eat normal amounts, and even have room for something delicious, like ice cream (my favorite).
25. Food tastes better.
There is probably a scientific reason for this, like my tastebuds aren’t dying or something, but seriously, everything tastes so much more vibrant.
26. I’m in better shape.
While many people do lose buckets of weight when they quit (Chris Pratt lost 60 pounds for Guardians of the Galaxy by laying off beer), my results were more subtle, as I’ve always kept a regular workout schedule and watched my intake. I didn’t have a dramatic weight loss, but I lost about three to five pounds, improved my body composition and got stronger. Plus, I find it much easier to keep my composition and weight where I like it.
27. Bedtime is heavenly.
OMG I love bedtime now. The feeling of slipping into a cozy bed at night—or on a lazy day off—is one of my favorite things IN THE WORLD.
28. Relationships are more intimate and meaningful.
Ever been the one person sober at a party? It’s pretty dull. Being drunk isn’t fun or interesting to anyone else except drunk people, and building relationships based on those experiences can make for a shallow one. Now, my conversations with friends and loved ones are all based on moments where I’m present and fully me. And I don’t run the risk of ruining good relationships with drunk blow-outs or angry texting. On top of this, I have much less shame, and am able to open up and give myself more freely.
29. I am present.
I realize this is one that overlaps a lot of the others, but it’s a big one. One of the problems with addiction is that it gets you in a constant reward loop, looking forward to “rewarding” yourself with something, and once you have it, you’re not present and happy for very long before you’re looking forward to more (it works the same with social media and texting). It feels like you’re caught up on a hamster wheel.
I felt this big time. I had become so dependent not only on the drug, but also on the constant anticipation, that I didn’t know what the joy was in the now. But the now is joy. Remember being a child and getting completely lost in the moment, with no guilt for not doing chores or work? That’s where joy is, and while alcohol and addiction make it seem like you’re present, you’re not. You’re filling a hole made in the past, and looking forward to the future, while escaping the present. I can now be present, enjoying each moment of the day for what it is, be it waking up and getting ready for work, exercising, chilling at home, or getting ready for bed. You need to be present to accomplish anything that’s truly worthwhile; don’t rob yourself of that.
30. I am so much more productive.
I realize now that being drunk and hung over constantly was a cop-out; it meant that I was always in damage control, and never take steps to make my life what I wanted. The main goal of the day was usually to get through it, whereas now, it’s building my life on purpose into something I can be proud of.
31. I never have to worry about driving home.
This speaks for itself. And yes, I now live in New York City and almost never drive anymore, but stick with me, here. I don’t have to worry about only drinking so much so I can drive home, or getting a taxi or a designated driver, or having to stay over at a friend’s house. I can stay out as late as I want and it’s never an issue.
32. Mornings are amazing.
I LOVE mornings now. I wake up just a little sleepy, make a delicious cup of coffee (and my coffee game is ON now), and snuggle back in bed to either watch videos or read. After a while, I meditate. Throughout the day, I get shit done. And early. It sets my whole day up. Sometimes, I even go to bed early so the morning is that much closer.
33. I’m regular.
TMI, I know. I’ll just say that it was too much in one direction or another, and that was a huge cause of concern and discomfort.
34. The simple pleasures of life overwhelm me with joy.
Ice cream. Puppy videos. A funny note on Twitter. A compliment from a stranger. My sheets. Morning coffee. Afternoon coffee. The feeling of clothes coming out of the dryer. The bright blue sky after periods of rain. Perfectly fitting pants. Small things like this have immense beauty and meaning, and I could never be present like this when I was drinking.
35. Now, I get my “high” from life, the world, and healthy things.
When I was drinking, often the only thing I had propelling me forward in life was drinking at the end of the day (or week, but usually day). I couldn’t imagine loving the substance of life like I do now.
36. I am free and in control.
Quitting drinking is like getting freed from prison. (Well, I imagine.) Addiction is a prison, no matter how small or how large. The joy I have to live every day according to how I want, and not according to the monkey on my back, is staggering. I remind myself of this every motherlovin’ day. I have freedom to make plans for my future. I have 1-year, 3-year and 10-year plans, and I make steps every day to make those plans happen. I learn. I succeed. I fail, sometimes, and learn some more. The best part is that it’s pure, undiluted me in control again, and as long as I stay on purpose, I never have regrets.
37. I have soooo much time in the day.
It is CRAZY how much time drinking takes. The first time I took a break, it was for 30 days and I was constantly searching for something to do. There was between 1.5 and six hours a day, so let’s say an average of 3.5 hours I used to spend drinking. That was now 3.5 hours to…do what, exactly? It was when the Twilight series came out, and as we had a teen in the house and the books ready, I read all four, snuggled on the couch. I watched movies and remembered them. I brushed up on my Italian and French. Later, I picked up ukulele and taught myself. There are so many things to do that are not only time-consuming, but fun, relaxing and productive, too. Yes, even reading Twilight.
38. I’m more cultured.
I’ve always been an avid reader and watcher of all kinds of art, but I can’t tell you how many movies I don’t remember anything about because I was drinking while watching them. It might have been fun at the time, but most likely, I was just zombied out.
I watched all of Silver Linings Playbook while drinking. I thought it was fine. The next day looked it up online and found a review that sounded completely different from what I had seen. So I went back and watched the last thirty minutes of the movie and realized that while I had passively watched it, I hadn’t really understood any of what had happened. Like, the entire plot and ending and beauty of it just didn’t register. Now, when I watch a movie, a play or a show, it actually registers. I not only take part in culture more, but I am able to remember it more.
39. I have more (and better) memories.
I remember more. That’s all there is to it. I remember that party, or that birthday, or that New Year’s Eve. Why on earth would you want to enjoy yourself and not remember it at all.
40. I love myself more.
Self-love is the biggest gift you can give to yourself. It’s said over and over, but it’s true: you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself, and you can’t go after what you really want unless you love yourself. Alcohol is destructive, and when I got caught up in the addiction of alcohol, I also got addicted to the chaos and destruction it causes. Sure, destruction can be fun and natural sometimes, but not when it destroys our very selves. Not of our bodies and our minds and souls. Taking the step to quit was a huge step of self-love, but I’m also so much more free, able and willing to treat myself with the respect I deserve.
Great, but how do I quit alcohol?
That’s the magical question, right? The thing is, quitting is simple, but not always easy. The way I eventually quit was by visiting the Mad Russian in Brookline, Massachusetts. I’ll write a post on this one day, but the bottom line for me and members of my party is that IT WORKED. How? I don’t know and I don’t care.
I also had partial success with Jason Vale’s Kick the Drink…Easily!, and a paid social site called Soberistas. And here’s the main site for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), with which I have zero experience, but nonetheless is the largest worldwide organization for addiction, and has free meetings and resources everywhere.
Godspeed and good luck.